Monday, January 25, 2016

The Unspoken.

Bukan pertama kali nya ini aku merasa aku tidak menghargai orang, sepertinya itu sudah jadi kebiasaan ku selama masa muda ku ini. Sudah berapa orang yang ku tolak karena alasan yang tidak masuk akal. Sudah berapa alasan yang keluar dari mulut ku yang sok tahu segalanya. Aku salah. Kali ini aku salah. Cara aku memandang hidup salah selama ini. Aku tidak pernah melihat udang di balik batunya. Aku mengabaikan itu semua. Aku mengabaikan hidup. 

The reason why I avoided those things is because I was scared. Yes. Scared of the dramas of life. Scared of what might happen. I never step outside my comfort zone. 

3 tahun berlalu sudah. Rasanya aku sudah melupakan masalah yang dulu dulu. Tapi kejadian yang merupakan suatu kebetulan, membuatku mengingat semua yang terjadi di masa lugu ku. Di masa dimana aku tak tahu apa apa dan berlagak seakan tidak ada apa apa. Aku tidak memikirkan perasaan orang lain, dan juga tidak memikirkan dampak lainnya. 

Mungkin, semua ini terlalu lebay untuk di reka ulang. Tak seharusnya aku membicarakan semua itu disini. Tapi berhubung tidak ada lagi penyimak blog ini, jadi kenapa tidak? 

Kenapa aku dulu begitu bodoh? Tidak bisa dihitung jari berapa kali aku sudah melakukan sesuatu yang bodoh itu. Kenapa gak pernah ada yang memberitahu ku semua ini? Kenapa cerita asli dibalik cerita yang ku tahu baru ku sadari sekarang? Baru diberi tahu kan ke aku sekarang? Aku merasa dibohongi. Dibohongi oleh realita yang telat datang menemuiku. 

Sekarang aku disini sendiri, duduk di depan TV, bernostalgia masa kecil menonton film spirited away. Film favorite ku sejak aku tonton bersama kakakku jam 2 malam ketika baru saja ayah beli TV flatscreen baru. Masih ku ingat betul jalan ceritanya jadi aku tidak memedulikannya.

Yang perlu kupedulikan adalah perasaan. Aku merasa berhutang budi kepadanya. Aku merasa berhutang budi kepada perasaan yang telah ia limpahkan kepadaku, namun aku abaikan begitu saja. Aku ingin seberani Sin yang menghadapi orang yang disegani orang lain. Aku ingin minta maaf atas semua kesesalan ku, udah itu aja. Ngga lebih, ngga kurang. Is it too late now to say sorry?

Aku terdengar sangat cheesy tapi betul, aku tidak bermaksud apa-apa. Aku tidak bermaksud menyakiti, tidak bermaksud mengabaikan kamu. Tapi aku, clueless. Aku tidak tahu apa-apa, aku hanya mengikuti kata hati ku yang sebenarnya sendirinya tidak tahu jalan.

Nyesel juga aku mengabaikan itu semua. Karena cuma kamu satu-satunya yang mengertiku tanpa ku paksa untuk mengerti ku. Kamu satu-satunya yang rela berkorban sebesar itu, hanya untuk aku yang sampai sekarang sudah ngga tau kabar kamu gimana. I hope you're doing just fine. Kamu rela mengorbani harga diri kamu untuk menyatakan cinta. Tapi, wasted begitu saja.

Jika aku disuruh memutar balikkan waktu dan kembali ke masa itu, aku tidak akan mau. Aku tidak mau menyakitimu dua kali, tiga kali, berkali kali. Aku rasa sekali ini udah cukup. Tapi, kalo aku diberi kesempatan untuk meminta maaf sama kamu secara langsung, aku akan lakukan itu semua karena aku berhutang budi sama kamu. Maafin ya Zi, ngga bermaksud, sumpah. Sekarang aku tau semuanya. Walaupun udah telat banget. Yang penting sekarang aku tau.

Rasanya aku ngga pengen berenti menulis. Rasanya ngga pengen berhenti memikirkannya. Mungkin setelah you finally moved on, aku baru bisa sadar. Itu kutukan yang aku rasakan selama ini secara terus-menurus. 

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Journey to the Center of My Brain with Zenius.net!

When I wrote the title I literally didn't google it up, I was just inspired by the movie Journey to the Center of the Earth and I wanted the title to be something like that so I decided to write "My Brain" instead but it sounded stupid so I googled it and it's actually a thing, a movie, and a book. Why thank you Zenius!

So here's my story:

I grew up in a family with 2 kids, and I happen to be the youngest. My brother who already graduated from college a year ago is now on his way to get a second degree diploma, super proud of him he's an inspiration for me. We're 7 ages apart so that explains everything. When he was studying his butt-off I was still sitting in the 6th grade living life to the fullest, not knowing what's up ahead and what I'm about to face in high school. Now that I'm in high school, I actually feel that the struggle is real.

One day, when BlackBerry was still all over the place, a friend of mine in a group chat told us about zenius.net. I clicked on the Biology one cause I was studying biology back then for an up coming exam. I thought those were just some lame videos that are boring and hard to understand, but then pop! I fell in love with the trial, you know those first videos you are able to watch when you haven't become a member? Yeah that one. I immediately asked my mom to buy the voucher and all that jazz. I officially became a zenius.net member.

That time when I first bought the zenius.net CD I was already in the 10th grade of the 1st semester so my mom bought the CD for Grade 11, 2006 Curriculum. BUT THEN, I am still furious about this even now. But then KURIKULUM 2013 STEPPED IN AND RUINED THE WHOLE THING. I already bought the 2006 Curriculum for Grade 11, but when 2013 Curriculum stepped in, everything changed, from the subjects to the order of the chapters, just everything. It gave me 0 motivation to study because I bought the wrong CD for a year ahead. Imagine it, what a waste of money. I should've bought the Grade 12 instead, the preparation for SBMPTN or something? But it's okay I still used it, but I did still have to check the textbook in order to know what chapter I'm studying in school. The 2013 Curriculum section on Zenius helped way better because I didn't have to double check everything in case I'm studying the wrong chapter.

At first, I didn't want to go to any sort of bimbel, I was only relying on zenius.net and my private tutors because I thought I will never go well with bimbel places because it's always so crowded. But then I realized sooner or later I had to. But I still go home every night, turn on the computer, and watch at least one video of a certain subject before I go to sleep, so I wouldn't forget the subjects I've already studied before. 

I successfully forced my friends in to getting a zenius voucher because they always caught me busy studying from zenius.net. The most awesome part of it is the blog, everytime I'm bored and starting to get sick of studying, I look it up and see a bunch of articles written by zenius's authors and it's not just educating but it is also amusing, highly recommended to people who don't want to waste time by reading novels instead.

Until now I watch zenius videos everyday if I'm willing to, from the TPA to the specific subjects, my favorite subject is math and biology because it is super easy to understand and I like the way the teacher teaches as if they are my cyber best friends. Zenius have become one of my favorite daily dose. It contains videos of stuffs I haven't even learned. Thank you zenius, for simply existing in this world.


Amalia L. Pradifera, UI Architecture Interior Student to be.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Midnight 00:00


Hampir 1 minggu penuh kejadian ini berlangsung dan aku merasakannya dengan mata dan hati ku sendiri. Perasaan yang asing, jarang sekali terlewat di benakku. Malam itu hanyalah malam biasa untuk orang lain, namun buat ku, kejadian yang mungkin akan ku ceritakan ke anak cucu ku nanti kalau aku hidup cukup lama di dunia ini. Akhir tahun adalah waktu yang sangat ramai untuk berkunjungan keluar kota. Tak biasanya aku dan ibuku mengunjungi ayah di kota kelahirannya, tak biasanya pula aku naik kereta ekonomi dengan ibuku. Minggu depan akan ada acara keluarga besar yang sebenarnya tidak ada hubungan darahnya denganku karena itu adalah ayah tiri dari ayah ku. Tapi sebagai anak, kami menghormati saja kemauan orangtua kami. Pukul 19.45 menunjukkan waktu keberangkatan kereta yang aku naiki. Bel stasiun berbunyi, sudah tak asing di telingaku. Orang-orang ramai berdatangan mencari tempat duduknya masing-masing. Posisi berhadap-hadapan dengan orang asing didepanku memang sedikit canggung, namun apaboleh buat. Aku meminta ibu untuk bertukar tempat duduk agar dekat jendela dan juga tempat charge handphone. 

Kereta berjalan, aku sedikit menyesal memilih duduk didekat jendela karena tidak ada yang terlihat selain bayangan yang memantul dari sorotan lampu kereta pada malam hari itu membuat jalanan tidak terlihat sama sekali. Orang didepan aku mengeluarkan buku bacaannya di depanku, aku bergumam "aku tahu cerita itu, itukan yang kemarin diceritain sama Suzanna dan Khansa." Aku merasa ingin memulai pembicaraan dengannya, hanya sekedar membicarakan buku yang sedang dia baca itu. Namun susah rasanya mulut untuk mengeluarkan kata kata yang sudah aku pikir matang matang. "Kok bacanya buku yang serem serem sih malem malem" namun tidak sepatah kata pun keluar dari mulutku, aku benar benar tidak ingin menggangunya, aku takut respond dia akan seperti apa dan membuat semua situasi duduk berhadapan ini sangat canggung. Aku memutuskan untuk main hp, untuk memikirkan hal lain, untuk tidur seperti apa yang ibu lakukan sejak sejam yang lalu setelah aku berhenti melaporkan semua hal yang terjadi pada hari itu kepada ibu. 

Menunggu rasa kantuk dengan posisi duduk yang kaku memang sangat tidak nyaman. Aku melihat kearah jendela, namun sebenarnya aku memperhatikan pantulan cahaya pada jendela itu yaitu keadaan di kereta. Mulai dari bapak-bapak yang ngga berhenti nelfon layaknya ia orang terpenting sedunia, laki-laki didepan ibuku yang asyik mencari spot nyenyak untuk tidur, dan laki-laki didepanku yang lelap dalam rangkaian katakata pengarang Risa Saraswati. Aku heran, apa dia tidak pusing dengan keadaan duduk melawan arah jalan kereta, namun sepertinya ia asyik saja walaupun sekali-duakali ia menoleh ke hp nya yang sedang ia charge disamping hpku. 

Biasanya di perjalanan aku mudah sekali untuk tertidur, namun kali ini ada batin yang mengatakan untuk tidak tidur dan coba berinteraksi dengan orang didepanku, sepertinya ia menarik. Ia mengingatkan ku dengan sahabat SD ku yang sekarang aku tidak tahu kabarnya. Pakaian yang simpel, sepatu kets, kacamata yang hampir bulat seperti punya ku, penampilannya memang klasik layaknya seniman yang aku tahu. Teman-temanku sedang asyik ngobrol di grup chat membuatku ketawa ketawa sendiri membaca apa yang mereka katakan, topiknya malam itu adalah foto-foto yang kita ambil siang tadi di UNION senayan tempat kita nongkrong. Tidak setiap hari aku bisa berkumpul dengan teman-teman SMP ku ini, jadi foto-foto dengan mereka sangat perlu untuk dikenang. Instagram ku penuh dengan upload-an teman temanku, aku juga tidak mau kalah. Aku memilih foto yang terlihat paling bagus dan paling mending diantara foto-foto lainnya. Tidak lama kemudian notif instagram ku penuh dengan likers foto tersebut. Sambil melawan kantuk dan menguap secara konstan, aku memantau likers foto baru tersebut. 

Tidak lama kemudian, ada notif yang sedikit asing berasal dari foto yang sudah berbulan-bulan yang lalu aku upload. Nampaknya ada comment dari user instagram yang tidak aku kenal. 
"Kalo nguap ditutup mbak" 
Aku kaget, perasaan ku sudah buruk ini, ada yang memperhatikan ku dari jauh dan...ini semua sangat aneh. Walaupun ada rasa ge er tersendiri, aku bertanya pada kolom comment tersebut "ini siapa?" Firasat ku ini adalah orang didepanku, namun aku tidak mau terlalu terlihat ge er. "Depanmu" commentnya lagi.. Now everything makes sense. Ku lihat feeds instagramnya, kebetulan isinya fotofoto pemandangan, foto tempat-tempat keren, tidak banyak foto ia sendiri narsis. Aku dengan swallowing my pride berkata kepadanya ketika aku meletakkan hpku. "Foto-foto instagramnya bagus-bagus.."

To be continued.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Life's not easy, I'm not made out of steel.

This is really what I got in mind for the past few weeks. I'm becoming less myself day by day thinking other ways to live life. When all I should've do is (as cheesy as it sounds) be my self, chase my dreams. I thought I was an expert on not thinking too much about what everyone else is thinking. But I lied to myself. I like told myself to put yourself out there since like 2010 but never actually did. I was, too scared? Nothing's too late but it's too late for me now cause I have all these exams traffic jamming my mind in being creative. Uni is very important. And so is loving yourself. 



Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Once Upon Under The Sea

I feel like I never start my blog with a once upon a time so I'm gonna try it out. Written on 28 of September 2015 11.25, 5 minutes before the bell rings. 

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a young and bright girl. She likes to play outside, just like any other kid. She grew up in the same neighborhood for 10 years. As she grew up, she felt there has been much differences in her life. One day, there was a competition near where she lived and she decided to join in the drawing competition. It was her first time ever and she didn't know what to draw. She had this weird thing that she never wants to have or do the same thing as anybody else. Thus, she decided to draw a scenery from underneath the sea. She drew clams, sea shells, sea weed, and many beautiful corals. Not forget to mention all the beautiful sea creatures she drew. There was a sea turtle, some lobsters, fishes, and pretty sea horses. She let her imagination flow pretty well. She didn't expect to get a prize, she just wanted to express herself in her drawings. 
So she drew, and drew, and colored too, using all the color pallets she had on her crayons. Little did she know, when she finished she ended up in the 3rd place. Not too bad for her first time? Sadly, she couldn't take her drawing home to show her mom and dad. Ever since then she has been in love with drawing. 
Many years later today, she had an art assignment and had to paint a scenery view. She immediately thought of her first drawing ever. And that is when this painting was created. Until now, she still loves drawing and she lived happily ever after.

As cheesy as it is that little girl happens to be me. hehe. So that was the story of how I got the idea of this painting. It is called "The Stunning View of Atlantic"

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Must Watch Movies

Been soooo busy lately but I somehow always find a way to watch a movie in the middle of my business. I am sooo over chick flicks. Even though they are still my go-to movies to watch when I'm bored I just don't seem to dig that kind of movies anymore. Or maybe I'm just bored cause there's not much chick flicks to watch on the list. 
Besides that, I have figured out some movies that tells us more about life. My Name Is Khan was a popular movie back in junior highschool, but I never get to watch it because I never had the chance and I didn't really like those types of Movies back then. But, I secretly have this soft spot for Hindi Movies ever since I start watching 3 Idiots because it was an assignment project at school and I had to explain the 3 characteristics of the main characters and ever since that, I have been loving Hindi Movies. Well, I don't speak Hindi but I always watch the ones with English Subs on it. That is the first time ever having to use an English Sub in a movie. And then my friend Ananta mentioned Taare Zameen Par once on a group chat and I watched it and I loved it. So here's the list of Hindi Movies to watch and a quick plot of the movie if I may add.

1. Taare Zameen Par
This movie tells you about a story of a little boy who is misunderstood because he's different, and frankly, he can't read. At first I thought this movie could be completely boring. This boy Ishaan was treated as if he was a coward, but then a new teacher came but he didn't brighten up Ishaan's world just yet, this teacher had to know more about Ishaan to make a difference in his life. I adore Aamir Khan in this movie cause he just teaches me everything about life in one movie.
I'm currently re-watching this movie right now! 

2. Ghajini
Okay so this movie is a little bit different. It's not that typical type of movie I'd watch cause it had actions and a little bit of a thrill in it. But, the movie is actually really beautiful. It tells you about true love. Only, his lover is killed but he can't seem to remember how, he had a short term memory lost. (Or was it a long term memory lost?) But then the villain came in and yadda yadda yadda, you have to watch the full movie to understand. It's all over the internet. 

3. PK
PK! My faaaav Hindi movie! It showed in theaters once here but I didn't have the chance to watch so I watched it online instead. PK is like a some sort of alien that came to earth and then this girl found her and he thinks it true love but this girl is still in love with a guy who "hang" her just like that. It's a really interesting movie and a funny one too! You HAVE to watch it. 

4. 3 Idiots
Haha my fav. They are really idiots I don't know why but they just are. They met in college and life changed when this guy named Ranchodas Shamaldas Chanchad (excuse me if I spelled it wrong). So Rancho came and he's really really smart but he never studies so two of his friends don't study too but they got bad grades, but Rancho didn't. Two of his friends one is a real good photographer, one is a business man I believe? I forgot. But then Rancho disappeared out of the blue and they figured out that Ranchodas Shamaldas Chanchad wasn't his true identity. FOR MORE EXCITEMENT WATCH AND DOWNLOAD 3 IDIOTS, NOW!
My actual favorite quote that I hang on my room with a post it actually came from this movie it says "Make your passion, your profession"

5. Slumdog Millionaire
Okay I have to admit I haven't finished watching Slumdog Millionaire and I forgot the plot of the movie but I'm just gonna put it on the list anyways. 

6. My Name Is Khan
...and I'm not a terrorist. I basically just spoiled you the whole movie. So there's this guy from Pakistan who has a disability and wanted to prove to the world that he is a moslem and he's not a terrorist because of all the 911 shenanigans going on. 

There's one more movie I can't remember the name but it tells you about the braveness of a woman saving her dignity. All I remember is Kareena Kapoor was the main actress. Believe me, everyone who ends with a "Khan" in their name are real good Indian actors like Shahkrukh Khan, Aamir Khan, Imran Khan, Kareena Kapoor Khan. Amalia Khan. Woah. loljk.

To watch list: Dhoom: 3, Priya: The Charming Girl of India, Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, aaaand many more. I wanted to include pictures but I don't wanna steal the from the internet so you better google them yoursef. anyways, HAPPY SWEET 17 GOOGLE! 

Friday, July 31, 2015

Explore Semarang | Through the Lens





Bought a new memory card in Semarang with my own THR and at first I wanted to film this as a film project but then I found out it had to be a fiction movie and I got all disappointed and stuff but I didn't want this footage to go to waste so I decided to edit it like a travel video.


Here's for more travelling videos coming up soon!