Sunday, September 21, 2014

20 Facts Tag

Here I am doing the #20factsaboutme tag like everybody else, got tagged by @aipraditya and @iranosaurs so here it goes

1. I have and older brother Andika and he's annoying yet he wont admit that he's annoying that's why he's annoying and that's where I got my annoyingness, from him.

2. I like taking photos and vlogging (video-blogging)

3. I live in South Jakarta but I study so far away in Kranggan, Bekasi.

4. Most used emoji: ��

5. I have a blog and its still active and its

6. My everyday activity on weekends is probably sleeping-youtubing-eating snacks-checks on every social media i own-go back to sleep.

7. I'm the most un-girliest-girl you've probably met

8. I'm a picky eater, I dislike most of foods you like

9. I don't own a pet, but I wish I did.

10. Born on February 11th 1998 in Halifax, Canada. (I ran out of facts to write down)

11. I sleep a lot at school and on my way home from school.

12. All time favorite colour is Blue with a dash of Black

13. Currently missing definitional and mostly RJFC����

14. I used to wear braces for 3 years and now i'm braces-free��

15. How I Met Your Mother, Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, Teen Wolf, and all those craps I watch on TV are my fav.

16. In to interior designing since I was a little girl cause I used to play barbie house designing games online.

17. Aspiring youtuber��

18. Vanilla is my all time favorite scent, if you smell like vanilla or basically use a vanilla body spray, we can be best friends.

19. Used to take painting lessons on Sundays and now I'm thinking of continuing it

20. I hate it when they make fun of my tongue, like seriously, just accept the way I say things and we both won't be disturbed.

I know most people won't bother to read this long but if you do, i tag you!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

You? Yes, you.

I'm fed up. I'm a mess. I'm all over the place. I've been over thinking things way too much, and I know I should've been caring about my surroundings but the truth is, the more you care, the more you feel you have to lose. I haven't been sleeping properly recently, unless I'm really really tired from school. There is not a single day where I haven't cried my eyes out. My heart is being really really sensible and I just don't know what to feel. Losing friends is the worst thing that could happen right now.

I failed.

The worst thing in life is feeling that you failed to do something you should've been ass-kicking. A tiniest feeling of failure makes you feel as if you failed at life. At the end of the day, it's just a bad day, not a bad life. I need my life back. Being in high school is a pain in the ass.

When you, you're the only one who has the privilege to change my mood, to make me happy, to make me sad. To make me feel insecure, yet to make me feel on top. To make me jealous, to make me feel like i'm the luckiest girl in the world. To make a sin, to make a vow. To make a courtesy of my attitude, to make me selfish. To let me be me, even at my worst.

You see that little girl over there? She might be happy, she might be sad, she might not give a fuck to the world and there's no in between.
I miss times where look is not a problem, everyone were friends, you wouldn't have to find a topic to talk about cause you can talk about anything that pops in your mind. Feeling disappointed is not in your dictionary and you feel as if everyone loves you.

If the purge anarchy was real and I was in the middle of the annual purge anarchy, I already have a list of people to purge on. The people who killed my happiness. 

Friday, June 27, 2014

The Not-So-Good Opportunity Taker

So this is me swallowing my pride and trying as much as I can to not finish the lyric because the purpose of writing that line isn't that, I didn't mean to sing it in any particular way. Sorry Taylor. Carry on. Lately I've been busy as a bee being a dedicated labschool student, following all the programs and stuff and even being one of the candidates for the osis committee, wippieee you never thought a girl like me could be in a well-structured organization cause ... well cause .. i d k. To top it all of I went hiking last week and reach the summit with my Pecinta Alam group, Vabishaka. I would give you any evidence but the video isn't up yet, I'm still in the middle of editing but I can't continue cause I have to study for finals YES I am going through a higher grade which is the year 11. I don't know whether to be happy or sad or anywhere in between I just am.

I can't wait to actually have the time for my own again. But the real question right now is, when, on earth, is that ever gonna happen? I feel like my most days are dedicated to do things for other people and if I do something for my self I'm doing it for other people too. Change subjects. I'm in the training for being the best osis secretary there ever existed and I need to proof to the world that I can change and prove them wrong about what others see in me. I know I currently have a weak image but everything can change. I know in all my blog posts I always tell you how ungrateful I am, and I always talk about my insecurities but that's the thing about blogs, I blog when I'm depressed and now I have a lot of things in my mind that I just gotta let out. I come home everyday, crying, well not really crying but heartbrokenly look my self in the mirror and regret all the stuffs I could've done and should've but didn't. Wow I am the most ego-est person cause there is no sentence in the whole entire blog without the word I. and YES i did say whole entire. Some people know who I really am and I love them for accepting that but the others just look at me an throw me away, things needs to change and I need to change it now. 

But yes the life accomplishment of the month is where I reached the summit even though I had to spent two hours in the hospital cause I was going through some major dehydration and diarrhea, but I am all well now.
Can't wait to see you on my next blog where I cry about my insecurities again while showing you my new video so stay tuned!  

Land of Opportunity - A Great Big World

Sunday, March 02, 2014


I'm here to talk about the one thing we all love: art. What is art? Art is what you call beauty. One thing I like about art is that there is no mistake in anything. No matter how messy it seems, no matter how much you screw up, you can still call it art and make it look perfect and making it look like its your thing to paint a master piece out of a mistake. In math when you make a mistake, you're wrong, you have to do it all over again. But that doesn't happen in art. In art everything is art starting from a tiny messy splat on your canvas, in to a human like painting. You don't have to think much in art you just need to know the techniques and express yourself freely but gently. Even though I haven't found myself in art, I still like it as if it is my passion. Look at me, talking about art as if I know everything about it. Here I have some of my favorites: (These are not mine no)

I used to take painting lessons back in the days when I still had time for myself. Now I have a full schedule for every day in a week and the painting course place was far away from my house so my mom had to drive me every week and I guess she got tired that's why she wouldn't let me go anymore. You must wonder "It's only painting, why do you need a teacher for that?" no. It's not a "just painting". And besides we still paint by ourselves but our tutor gives us advice on what to do to add details that's it. I love it there, it's full of peace and full of people with passion. But there's this one kid who couldn't stop talking and...ah I can't tell you the rest. I really really miss painting. Looking at those paintings in my school hall reminds me of who I was and what I like the most. Can't believe my last painting was back in 2012. 

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Youtuber, to be or not to be?

I heard about this theory, when you have a dream to be something or to have something, write it down, believe it believe what you wrote, imagine the time where you are doing the things you are dreaming, imagine you're holding the thing you are craving for, hang it on the wall or on your studying desk or any place you want as long as you can see it everyday. And when it's the right time, it'll come true. And then so I tried AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED. I printed a picture of a penny board with blue board and purple wheels and then, literally that night my friend called she said she was in Bali and saw a bunch of penny boards and I asked her to buy me one!yeay! But I'm still not allowed to penny board cause I'm still in the middle of an exam and it's a rainy day lately so haven't used it outside but I promise I'll be a pro before 2014. Speaking of 2014...... it comes down to the point of year where I write down all my accomplishments of the year 2013! maybe in the next post I'll write it down later. 

And besides penny board I also printed a volkswagen beetle mobil, as you can see that had been my dream car since ages. I know it's pretty small and only can fit up a few but it's still so classy! The first thing I'd do when I get the car I would change the whole interior so it would be more comfy:) I told my mom about the "theory" and asked "how come it worked on the penny board but it hasn't worked on the vw beetle yet?" and she said something that has been echoing in my head up until now "that's because allah gave it to you because he knows you're ready. You're not ready to get a beetle yet, you don't even have license! I know one day you will, because you know you're ready" my mom can be pretty wise sometimes, i know. 

And next to the VW Beetle I also printed a YouTube logo because every time I watch my favorite youtuber, I always dream in being a youtuber and get to talk to a lot of people and just go out there and have the ability to do something new and legendary. I also get to meet cool people online, it just seem so fun. Blogging is for a start, maybe one day I'll become a part of indonesian youtubers. All along I've been talking about making youtube videos to my friends and I think I successfully annoyed them cause I can't stop talking about how wonderful it'd be! But some days I have my doubts. Some days I think, what if people wouldn't like me on youtube? what if they don't accept me because I wear a hijab? what if i would be like one of the abandoned ones? all those negative thinkings pop up in my head like whoah. I don't like all those negative thoughts haunting me, but we always have to think about the pros and cons. But what motivates me is about thinking how much more experiences I'm gonna make, how many cool people I get to meet, how life changing it would be. I actually already started on writing ideas for youtube videos! what i'm gonna say, what i'm gonna do, just everything. I'll just have to wait until I take off my braces and consider this again. I mean, what do you think? Youtuber, to be or not to be? 

Friday, November 29, 2013

People pleaser?

I came to this theory where a girl can define other girls by their prettiness but a guy can never rate other guys by their looks. Do you think it's true? I once asked my brother who does he think looks handsome in his favorite football club which happens to be Manchester United, and he only answered “… all of ‘em has good skills” But clearly I asked who looks HANDSOME. His respond was “Don’t ask me I can never tell, I’m a guy” Then it hit me and made me realized that some guys oftenly can’t define other guys by their looks. But how come a girl can rate a girl by their prettiness easily? Maybe cause girls are competitive they always compare themselves with others “ooh she’s prettier than me” “aah she’s ugly, I’m prettier” can easily slip out of a girl’s tongue cause we, as girls really care about our looks. But you don't have to be a victoria's secret model to find your channing tatum. <3 

I’m in high school now and I meet different people with a whole lot of different personalities. It turns out that you have to look good in a certain group of people, my junior high school was never like that. We never had to wear pretty clothes and use make up. Simply cause we didn’t judge each other. But frankly, now I live in a world where looks and appearances matters. I don’t know how in the world could I ever survive this kind of phase. I’m just gonna hope for the best but expecting the worst.

In high school, I realized one thing. I do what people ask me to because I don’t want them to feel bad. I’m a people pleaser. I do what people please but I sometimes don’t get anything in return. Some things has to change here. But frankly I feel good about it. You know, being a people pleaser has its own minus and plus. The good thing is that people enjoy being around you, the opposite thing is that it’s like you’re leaving under everybody else’s shadow. The key is to speak up and learn to say “no” for once in a while. 

Can we just take a second and admire these cute pandas made out of  clay? I know it sounds cheesy but it is far yet the most beautiful thing I have ever seen that is originally hand-made. Massive thank's to tante eike for all this<3

Saturday, September 07, 2013

Broken Arrow

Have you ever had the feeling when you have nothing to hold on when the pole is right in front of you? The feeling where you feel lost and you need to hug something when the only thing close to you is your teddy bear? and you feel like it's a perfect night to be wasted drown in tears thinking too much about something that would never happen but in your mind you assume they do? You're not in the mood in doing anything but you have a lot of things to do you just push things away. You have a lot of things in mind but can't speak because everything in your head is mixed and you get tired of thinking. and you feel like you just want to run away from the place you started to another place where nobody knows you and start all over again. Not like this panda and cow, they have each other even though they come from a different kind. You feel like you have nothing when everything is in front of you waiting to be reached. Feeling like nobody's there for you when you're always there for them sucks. I know how it feels, and by you I mean me. I think too much but speak up too little.

What do you do when you're heart's in two places? You feel great but you're torn inside, you feel love but you just can't embrace it. When you found the right one at the wrong time... I'm sorry if I've been writing a lot about how sad I am I'm supposed to share happiness, but just this once. I feel like I don't have anyone to rely on and writing it here makes me feel a little better somehow.